“When you stub your toe, more than physical pain is generated; grief is released into the wound, followed by a litany of dissatisfactions and “poor me’s,” a damning of God sent heavenward. When we trip and fall in the darkness we are all too ready to curse ourselves for being so clumsy, as well as for not being able to hold our bladder until dawn, for not counting the hours in our just-expended 1,000-hour lightbulb, and the bruise is suffused with self-judgment and an irrational sense of responsibility.

The next time you have a minor wound, such as a stubbed toe or bumped elbow, note how long it takes that wound–when you soften to it and use it as a focus for loving kindness–to heal. Then compare it with the number of days it takes a similar wound to heal when you turn away from it, allowing the fear and resistance that rushes toward it to mercilessly remain. Contrast the healing of an injury in the mind or body in which loving kindness has gradually gathered to one that has been abandoned.

This softening and opening around pain has been shown in several double-blind studies to provide greater access of the immune system to an area of injury. It opens the vice of resistance into a never-considered acceptance of the moment. It denies hopelessness a home. It proves we are not helpless, that we can actively intercede in what we previously believed we had only to endure.

Working with our pain, or the pain of loved ones, cultivates a mercy that allows us to stay one more moment at their bedside when we are most needed. It allows us to not run away.”

By Stephen Levine
from Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart from Rodale, Inc.

The rest of the article that the above quote is from is just as good, and well worth the read. Its loving kindness and compassion towards the self are things that I m going to try to incorporate into daily practice.

The article can be found here.

Last night was another “bad brain night”, so I curled up with a cup of chamomile tea and my recorded episodes of CSI and avoided talking to everyone. Oh, there were people in the house (there always are) but they all had the good sense to choose to be in parts of the house as far from me as possible. After the guests had cleared off and everyone else had gone to bed, the husband sat up with me. He listened patiently to me rant and cry while we watched the fish tank together and petted cats. (In case I havn’t mentioned it recently, I am blessed to be married to a truly kind and decent man!)

In my further research about ways to cope with anxiety and panic disorder, I found that there is actually an Anxiety Disorders Association of America. (http://www.adaa.org) They estimate that over 40 million Americans suffer from Anxiety Disorder. It looks like I?ve got a lot more company than I’d thought!!

May is Mental Health Awareness Month (that’s not a joke!), so the AADA has offered up the following list of tips to help people suffering from Panic Disorder and their friends and loved ones communicate.

Asking for Help
While it may be difficult, be open and honest with your loved ones. They may not understand, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be helpful.

If you’re not comfortable talking about your problem, try describing your thoughts and feelings in a letter. It’s a great way to open up communications.

Try to explain what you experience in a way your loved ones can relate. For example, you might say, imagine crossing a busy intersection and suddenly seeing a speeding car barreling towards you. Think about how you would feel, how you would react. Then ask the person to imagine having those very same feelings while waiting in line to buy groceries, driving over a bridge on a sunny day or pricking up a phone to call a friend.

When you need help, don’t assume your loved one knows what you need. Be specific.

Explain that the help you need may change from one time to the next. Such is the nature of the problem and should not be taken as a personal rejection.

Work together to remain in situations until your levels of anxiety subside. If you must leave, try to go back as soon as possible.

Ask your loved one to support you in feeling good about what you did do, not bad about what you did not do.

Share your triumphs, no matter how small.

Remind those trying to help that anxiety disorders are real, serious and treatable medical conditions. Having one is not a sign of weakness or lack of moral fiber.

Helping Someone You Love

Recognize that the irrational feelings and thoughts experienced by someone with an anxiety disorder are different than the normal fear and anxiety responses that everyone feels from time to time.

Acknowledge that you don’t understand if you’ve never personally experienced a panic attack or other form of irrational anxiety.

Appreciate that your loved one is aware that the thoughts and feelings are irrational, but feels powerless to stop them.

Help set specific goals that can be approached one step at a time.

Don’t assume that you know what is needed. Ask how you can help. Listen carefully to the response.

Accept that what may be helpful one time may not be the next. Don’t take it personally. It’s the nature of the disorder.

Aim for positive reinforcement rather than judgment, criticism or blame.

Understand that knowing when to be patient and when to push can be challenging. It’s a fine line. Achieving the proper balance often requires trial and error.

Remember, recovery requires hard work on the part of the individual, and patience on the part of the family. It may seem like a slow process, but the rewards are well worth it.

For more, plus links and additional resources about Anxiety Disorder, please visit here.

Great article:

“Creativity and Depression: Is There a Link?” (from Beliefnet.com)

“I’m always interested in learning new ways in which I can deal with my emotions. A number of years ago, I was going through a very low period, sort of like a dark night of the soul. There were two things happening to me that I have never admitted before. One, I was lonely, and the other, I was depressed. I had never allowed these feelings into my consciousness. I had always tied to push them out and keep them away. But this time, it was so deep and so heavy that they were with me.

“It was the summertime. A psychologist friend of mine came to visit me for a day. That afternoon we were out and about, and I was telling him how I was feeling. He said ‘Arthur, let me give you some advice. When you feel lonely, don’t always pick up the phone and try to get past it. Don’t try to force depression out of yourself, but do this: give each feeling its time. Allow the depression the time it needs to do its work with you. Allow the loneliness its time.’ And then he said, ‘I guarantee, if you do this, in time, you will pass through them and be on the other side.’

“I did as he suggested, and he was right. I passed through them, and, you know something? I have never had to return to those feelings again. So, I commend it to you: Allow your feelings their time. Get into them. Allow them to do their work, and you will come out the other side.”

-Dr. Arthur Caliandro, a pastor and the author of “Make Your Life Count,”

I found the above quote about a week ago, and have been rolling it around inside my brain ever since? letting it take root. As negative feelings and bad memories resurface, I?m trying something new. Instead of just trying to suppress them or beating myself up for even having depressive thoughts, I?m trying to let each feeling have its time. I think of them like pieces of stone or metal that have somehow been lodged in my skin and are working their way out. As each one comes up, surfaces, and falls away, I let it have its time to hurt and then to begin healing. If I need to cry, I do; without judgments, without self-reproach; then breathe deep, center, and go forward.

It does seem to be helping. I’m not saying I’ve found the “one true solution,” but it does seem to help.

“We have a rule
about not waking a mind
that is too old…”
Frank Herbert, Dune

As I walk my own road toward enlightenment, I see others around me who seem to genuinely want to focus all of their energy on anger and pain.  They complain that they do not like it, but then choose to spend so much of their time dwelling there. Changing it and stepping outside of it would be so easy. Do I just step back and allow them to enjoy their pain if that is their choosing, or can (should) I help them?

This brief essay came from a site called “the Daily Om,” a site that is rapidly becoming one of my favorites.   Reading the essay made me smile a little more and sit alittle straighter.  I hope it’ll give your day a lift and maybe help you to smile more, too.

“Embracing Womanhood”

There are many ways and myriad reasons for women to honor and embrace all that they are. And when any individual woman chooses to do so, all women collectively move closer to becoming what they are truly capable of being. By honoring her experience and being willing to share it with others—both male and female—she teaches as she learns. When she can trust herself and her inner voice, she teaches those around her to trust her as well. Clasping hands with family members and friends, coworkers and strangers in a shared walk through the journey of life, she allows all to see the self-respect she possesses and accepts their respect, too, that is offered through look, word, and deed.

When a woman can look back into her past, doing so without regret and instead seeing only lessons that brought her to her current strength and wisdom, she embraces the fullness of her experience. She helps those around her to build upon the past as she does. And when she chooses to create her desires, she places her power in the present and moves forward with life into the future.

Seeing her own divinity, a woman learns to recognize the divinity in all women. She then can see her body as a temple, appreciating its feminine form and function, regardless of what age or stage of life she finds herself. She can enjoy all that it brings to her experience and appreciate other women and their experiences as well. Rather than seeing other women as competition, she can look around her to see the cycle of life reflected in the beauty of her sisters, reminding her of her own radiance should she ever forget. She can then celebrate all the many aspects that make her a being worthy of praise, dancing to express the physical, speaking proudly to express her intellect, sharing her emotions, and leading the way with her spiritual guidance. Embracing her womanhood, she reveals the facets that allow her to shine with the beauty and strength of a diamond to illuminate her world.

In 1992, Mary Evans Young, director of the British anti-diet campaign Diet Breakers, founded International No Diet Day (INDD). She did this because of two things. The first was seeing a television programme where women were having their stomachs stapled. One woman had split the staples and was in for her third operation. And then a young girl of 15 committed suicide because ’she couldn’t cope with being fat.’

“She was size 14 (12 in the US). I decided somebody had to stand up and try to stop this bloody madness and in the absence of anybody else, I decided it would be me,” Evans says. “So I sent out a press release titled ‘Fat Woman Bites Back’… and got some media attention.”

“I was desperate to keep the anti-diet/size acceptance concept in the public eye. So, without really thinking about it, at the end of a live TV interview I said, ‘Don’t forget to celebrate No Diet Day.’ …Having declared it on prime-time national TV, I then set about organising a picnic in Hyde Park. Alas it rained, so we adjourned to my living room instead,” Evans says.

-From http://www.health24.com/dietnfood/General/15-742,35592.asp

Even though I’ve been working hard to try to loose weight (more on that later), I had to share this little piece. “International No Diet Day” was on May 6th (yes, we missed it!) but the message is still important.

Consider the following:
- According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the average U.S. woman is 5′ 3.7 (162 centimeters) tall and weighs 152 pounds (69 kilograms). and wears a size 16 dress.
- The “ideal” woman ? portrayed by models, Miss America, Barbie dolls, and screen actresses ? is 5?10, weighs 100 lbs, and wears a size 6.
- One-half of all American women wear a size 16 or larger.
- 75% of American women are dissatisfied with their appearance.
- More than 50% of American women are on a diet at any one time and over 66% of them are dissatisfied with their bodies.
- Between 90% and 99% of reducing diets fail to produce permanent weight loss.
- Two-thirds of dieters regain the weight within one year. Virtually all regain it within five years.
- The diet industry (diet foods, diet programs, diet drugs etc.) takes in over $40 billion each year, and is still growing.
- Quick-weight-loss schemes are among the most common consumer frauds, and diet programs have the highest customer dissatisfaction of any service industry.
- Young girls are more afraid of becoming fat than they are of nuclear war, cancer, or losing their parents. Fifty percent of nine-year-old girls and 80% of 10-year-old girls have dieted.
- 90% of high school girls diet regularly, even though only between 10% and 15% are over the weight recommended by the standard height-weight charts.
- Anorexia has the highest mortality rate (up to 20%) of any psychiatric diagnosis.
- Girls develop eating and self-image problems before drug or alcohol problems. There are drug and alcohol programs in almost every school, but no eating disorder programs.

INDD is a day to:
- Take a day off from whatever crazy diet plan you are following and instead honor listening to, respecting and responding to your body’s unique hunger and satiety needs.
- Celebrate the beauty and diversity of ALL our natural sizes and shapes
- Affirm everyBODY’s right to health, fitness, and emotional well-being
- Declare a personal one-day moratorium on diet/weight obsession
- Learn the facts about weight-loss dieting, health, and body size
- Recognize how dieting perpetuates violence against women
- Honor the victims of eating disorders and weight-loss surgery
- Help end weight discrimination, sizism and fatphobia

While I understand the health-related risks of obesity (as does every woman in America who has not been hiding under a rock), I agree that this is far too often carried to ridiculous levels. The shame and self-loathing people pile onto themselves for not fitting a contrived media image is absolutely insane? plus destructive and dangerous.

IMDD asked everyone to wear a light blue ribbon and take the pledge:
- That I will not diet for one day, on May 6, International No Diet Day (INDD).
- Instead of trying to change my body to fit someone else’s standards, I will accept myself just as I am.
- I will feed myself if I’m hungry.
- I will feel no shame or guilt about my size or about eating.
- I will think about whether dieting has improved my health and well-being or not.
- And I will try to do at least one thing I have been putting off “until I lose weight”.