“Fend for yourself, you’re alone,”
She said, she said,
“You are possessed with a power bigger than the pain.”
-Everclear, “Heartspark Dollarsign” from Sparkle and Fade

The last line of the above set of lyrics (“You are possessed with a power bigger than the pain”) has meant a great deal to me over the years of coping with depression. Even though the song itself is not about depression and has nothing to do with depression, that line rang true. It has become a mantra. I am possessed with a power bigger than the pain. So are you. So are we all.

Due to being out of work for three weeks on disability, plus other financial problems in my immediate household, things are budgeted to the wire, so the earliest I’ll be able to get a refill of my psych meds is Friday. I’ve called my family doctor, and he has some samples that can get me through until payday. As any psychiatrist worth their salt will tell their patients: “If you’re supposed to be on your meds, take them. If you run out, call us. There are ways to get you what you need.”

To put it another way, “Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight.”

In an article by the writer Andrew Solomon about his own depression in The New Yorker (January 12, 1998), he describes symptoms similar to mine. I knew just what he meant when he wrote, “Depression is a disease of self-obsession.” I have a chronic illness, and it’s something I deal with every day, just like a diabetic deals with diabetes. Medication is part of the strategy for keeping this illness under control. Solomon says, “To take medications as part of the battle is to battle fiercely, and to refuse them is as ludicrous as entering a modern war on horseback.”

So, until my lunch break, when I can get out there to pick up the samples, I keep telling myself that I can hold on, breathe slowly, get through the day, I will be alright? that I am, in fact, possessed with a power bigger than the pain.

I’m a Highly Sensitive Person. Maybe you are, too. If you are, we are not alone. An estimated 20% of the population is considered “Highly Sensitive.” If you’re not, chances are you know somebody who is.There’s research, support, and help for the Highly Sensitive. We are not alone. There are millions of us, and Dr. Elaine Aron, (an HSP herself) has made a career of studying us and writing books that can help us to understand that this difference in temperament is neither a gift nor a weakness. It’s just the way we are.

For more about this, plus resources and help, please visit Dr Aron’s site.

Today marks the Summer Solstice. It is the longest day of the year in the Northern Hemisphere, the day on which the sun is at its highest point in the path through the sky. Nearly every culture and tradition north of the equator has marked this day as one of celebration ?the official “first day of summer.”Pagans frequently refer to today as “Midsummer’s,” “High Summer,” or “Litha.” It is a celebration of the male aspect of the Divine, in the peak of his virility, as much as the winter solstice is about his death.

Please take some time to go outside and enjoy today, the longest day of the year!!!

I have no idea where this parable came from, but it was interesting enough to make me think, so I felt I would share it with you.

There was a rich merchant who had 4 wives.

He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He’s very proud of her and always wanted to show her off to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.

He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant’s confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.

Now, the merchant’s 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, “Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I’ll be alone. How lonely I’ll be!”

Thus, he asked the 4th wife, “I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?”

“No way!” replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word. The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant’s heart.

The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, “I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?” “No!” replied the 3rd wife.

“Life is so good over here! I’m going to remarry when you die!” The merchant’s heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, “I always turned to you for help and you’ve always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t help you out this time!” replied the 2nd wife. “At the very most, I can only be with you at your death bed and mourn over your grave once you have passed.” The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.

Then a voice called out… “I’ll leave with you. I’ll follow you no matter where you go.”

The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, “I should have taken much better care of you while I could have!”

Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives..

The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it’ll leave us when we die.

Our 3rd wife? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.

The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we’re alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to
the grave.

The 1st wife is, in fact, our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material wealth and sensual pleasure. As you may have guessed, it is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go.