The Depression Workbook (“DW”)

Questions from Chapter 1, page 6: “Getting Started”

Friday, October 30, 2009

First, Please allow me to apologize for not being more consistent. Between trying to winterize my house during daylight hours in the few remaining days of pleasant weather (Hail the Great White North!!), finish illustration assignments, meet with the people that have the money that make illustration businesses happen (we love them), and help prepare for this weekend’s coming Samhein ritual (oh, it’s going to be sooooo good!!!)  ….Well, the last couple of days have just been swallowed whole.

Back to the D.W.

D.W.: What do you feel you are really good at?

Apart from illustration and any other trade I have used, ie: focusing on avocations, not vocations:

I love house plants, which ties into the above fascination with plants in general. Add to this any sort of gardening… one of the reasons why the last several days were eaten up by winterizing my little half-acre of heaven. Now that we’ve lived here one growing season, and I’ve an idea for what I already have, I can work with it, and tune it to my liking. Old-fashioned “Natural Gardening” is my favorite flavor. In fact, when I learned it, Crockett was teaching it on PBS as part of his “Victory Garden” series, and nobody had heard of “natural gardening.” Mulch, lye, sand, local plants… it was simply good gardening practice.

Philosophy/ theology/ mysticism is something I love a great deal, and most of the books I read for pleasure are about one of these topics, with my mind working to compare, overlay, and find connections between all of them so that a cohesive doctoral thesis can come out of all of them. I don’t know if “passion for it” mens “good at it,” but I passed Philosophy 101 with a 4.0 and the prof asking why I didn’t switch my major to philosophy.

Several of the medieval daily-life skills are available to learn from the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism), an international not-for-profit educational organization dedicated to life in the Middle Ages and Renaissance. It’s a lot like “Scouts for Grownups,” and while scouting has more members worldwide, they’ve been around nearly three three times as long (and we allow queers.)

Every year on one of the Saturdays in mid-March there is a large SCAdian arts competition held in Buffalo, NY at the event called “the Festival of the Passing of the Ice Dragon,” (or simply “Ice Dragon.”) The real ringers will accept the challenge of entering five different categories, thus making it a “pentathalon,” or, as most local SCAdian artisans call it, “the Pent.” Winning the Pent is no easy feat, and, understandably, carries great prestige.

I’ve never had the nerve to do it, but every year I tell myself, “This is the year.” It’s embarrassing to admit that most past years, I was just too depressed to even to to go to the event (“They all hate me anyway.”) Maybe this time I’ll be far enough down the road to recovery that I’ll be able to get over that hurdle and enter something, anything, even if it’s not five separate entries for the Pent.

DW: How do you plan to develop these skills?

Much like the earlier page (How do you plan to pursue these interests?): Reading, learning, researching further, exploring, playing, dreaming, experimenting, learning from the successes and the failures. Repeat as necessary.

Author: Steven Thrasher (read original article here)
Original Source: The Village Voice (NY) (With Thanks to Wren’s Nest)

Conservative. Republican. Pagan?

In a photograph from New Normandy's website, Dan Halloran leads a heathen ritual.

It was an odd news story that briefly upended what should have been a sleepy City Council race in Bayside: the Queens Tribune reported that a conservative Republican was running a strong race in the 19th district and had a chance to win in the overwhelmingly Democratic city. But this was a conservative Republican with a difference: Dan Halloran is the spiritual leader of a local pagan group that worships Norse gods.

Although the Tribune’s story had no hint of derision for Halloran’s religious affiliation, the newspaper was immediately attacked for its perceived ties to Halloran’s Democratic opponent. Other publications were quick to defend the Republican lawyer, some sounding offended that a candidate’s religion, however unusual, should become a news story during an election.

But Halloran’s beliefs are newsworthy. As far as we can tell, he has a chance to become the first pagan elected to political office in the country’s history. (He is certainly the first major party candidate approaching an election with his pagan beliefs already made public.) And while pagans have been growing in numbers for decades, the word “pagan” usually conjures nature-worshippers with interests in faeries and magick. What is a conservative Republican doing with the goddess crowd?

The Depression Workgroup

(from p. 5, the Depression Workbook)

DW: “In spite of having to deal with periods of mood instability, many people with depression and manic depression can boast of amazing accomplishments and lives that are the way they want them to be. Your life can be the way you want it to be. You can dream and you can achieve your goals. You are already on your way to doing just that. I dare you to make your life just the way you want it to be.”

What interests have you pursued?

Apart from the ones previously listed in my educational background, my primary interest right now is my painting and the doctor of divinity. I read avidly, mostly about spirituality, mysticism, anthropology, and folklore. In the process of learning to heal myself, I also read a great deal about how faith combined with mysticism can become a tool for healing and a balm for the soul. Quantum psychology, daily prayer, meditation, and writing can all become tools towards this end.

Wile I feel that religion and politics ought to remain separate, a very vocal minority of scared, little people from other faiths are trying to turn their religion’s dogma into law.

When their dogma directly conflicts with our dogma (ie: basic human dignity, respect for the earth and its creatures, and social justice) I feel that it is my right, even responsibility, to speak up. Every church can be a powerful vehicle for social change. It’s only in how we choose to use that power that our ethics are defined. Silence equals death.

I write. I write to express opinions, to encourage progressive politics, to challenge people to leave their own “reality tunnels,” (a term coined by Robert Anton Wilson in PROMETHIUS RISING). I write to speak my truth, in the hope that it might bring healing to others. “Whoever survives a test, whatever it may be, must tell the story. That is his duty.” – Elie Wiesel

I enjoy walking in nature, and almost always bring a camera. My photographs become photo references for later paintings.

I try to learn as much as I can about the business of illustration.

I play with the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism,) and create at least two fully painted covers for their newsletters every month. I find this has encouraged me to push harder and reach higher in pursuit of perfecting my craft

DW: What other interests do you look forward to pursuing in the future?

Now that I have a (hopefully) long-term home (no earthly house can ever be truly “permanent”) I have been bitten by the gardening bug. Indoor, outdoor, even hydroponic… it all peaks my interest. I am in the process of trying to grow roses from cuttings, and have the beginnings of a willow tree sending out its first leaves. There are plans underway to convert the basement to a hydroponics lab so that even in the cold winter I can still grow fresh vegetables. (I am still in the process of researching this.)

How do you plan to pursue these interests?

Reading, learning, researching further, exploring, playing, dreaming, experimenting, learning from the successes and the failures. Repeat as necessary.

The Depression Workbook (“DW”)

Questions from Chapter 1, page 4: “Getting Started”

DW: Describe our own personal experience with mood swings and how they’ve affected your life:

I can’t think of a way they haven’t affected my life. The window of my perception is made of stained glass, and I stand, nose to the glass, moving an inch or two every day, like the moon sliding across the heavens. Each day, the colored pane that separates my perception from the world is stained a different color. Every day, it’s different, but the color never is completely true. Even if I was to hit a clear fragment, I would not trust it any more or less than the others, because I have never been able to view the world without this stained glass window tinting my vision.

It is only in moments of deep commune with The Divine Source that I am able to step back from the stained glass window, blink a few times, allow my eyes to refocus and look up and see the face of God.

DW: A frustrating aspect of this illness is how many difficulties it can impose on you as you try to meet life or career goals, in spite of an excellent education and exceptional abilities in many areas. The dramatic highs and lows, or the medication and and treatment used to regulate them, often raise roadblocks that seem impassible. Although extreme mood swings can make everything harder for you, they do not have to prevent you from doing what you want in life.

What is your educational background?

Bachelor’s of Fine Arts (BFA), Illustration, University of Buffalo, NY.

Some post-graduate work toward Master’s of Fine Arts (MFA), Medical Illustration, Rochester Institute of Technology, NY

Associate’s Degree, Computer Networking, Westwood College, O’Hare, IL.

Certified (expired) Med Tech, course work towards RN (Registered Nurse, Bachelor’s of Science), University of Rochester

Cisco Certified (computer networking) via previous employer.

Ordained minister through my church, currently working towards Doctor of Divinity (DD).

DW: What are your future educational goals?

Currently focusing on the DD, which will take some time. Continuing to paint and refine the craftsmanship so that I could, in theory,blow the sneaks off of any medical illustration program should I ever find myself in a position where I would be able to enter a certified medical illustration program.

DW: How do you plan to meet your future educational goals?

I try to remember the little song that the fish named Dory sings in “Finding Nemo:” “Just-keep-swim-ming! Just-keep-swim-ming!”

(Original author unknown.)

"Gates of Dawn" (original artist unknown, please contact us if you know!)

PAGANUS, EXANIMO
A rebuke, and an invitation

I am a Pagan.
It comes from the Latin, ‘PAGANUS’.
It means simply, “country dweller”,
One who lives close to the Earth,
In harmony with nature, and her cycles of seasons and weather.

I am NOT a be-deviled worshipper of Satan,
Which to me is a demonized construct of the early Christian Church fathers,
An entity who is younger by eons than the Divine Spirit
Who quickens the life of my body
And animates the Universe itself.

I am NOT a godless person, devoid of spirituality, ethics, or moral feeling.
I am NOT a worshipper of “created things”.
I am NOT a “weirdo” who labels myself “religious”,
While having no real depth to my so-called spirituality–
Despite the contrary and zealous assertions of those
Who would force feed me their interpretations of Biblical doctrine
Like bitter castor oil “for my own good.”

No, in fact I connect with the Sacred, with the Divine
Immanent in all things, and I do not worship their material presence alone.
When the Sacred within me communes with the Divine within you,
That Truth and ancient Dance leaves little room for evil, hatred, and intolerance.
Though I daily encounter many who seem more than willing
To assail me with their own loathing, fear, and rejection
Of what they do not understand,
All in the name of One who preached only
Acceptance, compassion, tolerance, and understanding.

For me the Divine can be Goddess,
The Maiden Huntress of forest, field, and hill
The Eternal Mother, whose natural bounty and blessings surround us,
The Ancient Crone who imparts wisdom of ages and healing lore.

For me the Divine can be God,
The Lord of the Dance, the Animals, the Hunt
The Sacred King, whose cyclic end
Renews and rebirths the Land and its people
The Ancient Sage, the Wise Old Man
Who beckons us to greater spiritual understanding.
I am a Pagan.
I honor the earth and the Divine within it.
I decry those practices
Which lead to and perpetuate its devastation and exploitation.

I listen to the ancient music,
Whose strains are yet audible in my modern songs.
It calls me to dance,
With the drumbeat, the pulse of the Earth itself.
My ancestors live again through me.
I follow the Old Ways, and those lost Mysteries surface again,
With new significance for modernity.

I care little if you choose to do as I do.
But talk to me if you will,
If you would understand me and what I represent.
For know this well:
The Old Ways are indeed returning,
And many of us are hearing the call
To follow these ancient Paths once again,
For the answers they provide to questions which burn in our souls.
Some of us have kept these traditions alive in our own families
With varying degrees of secrecy and success.
Others learn from the remnants found in old stories and poems,
And incorporate those remnants into entirely new practices.

Our numbers grow, though we do not proselytize.
Whatever you choose to do, we will not simply go away,
Whether you wish it so or not.
But talk to me if you will.
Let us share our stories with each other
And see what happens next.

As part of my own healing process, I’ve created a small depression work group within my church with the intent of working with one of our church’s senior ministers, Rt. Rev. Adrian Tremayne on depression (revauntieadrian on livejournal, email is adrian@churchofancientpaths.org), using The Depression Workbook, A Guide for Living with Depression and Manic Depression, by Mary Ellen Copeland, M.S., M.A. The version we have is the second edition, so that’s what ’s forming the background of this work. Please feel free to follow along. (Picking up a new or used copy is advised, as I’m typing only brief excerpts and the questions themselves.)

Your answers areas public or private as you choose to make them. So are mine.  However, I feel that each time we are strong enough to break the silence is one less nail in the coffin of this chronically life altering and often debilitating disease. The best antiseptic is sunlight: “Speak the truth and Shame the Devil.”

Our Church’s website seems the best format for this, so my entries will appear here as a (hopefully) on-going contribution. I will not be mirroring them to MyFace or SpaceBook or any of the other on-line communities, since I understand not all of my friends are going to want to be bothered by my ramblings. The intent is to heal, not annoy.

I have found strength in being open about this illness, and refusing to follow society’s long-imprinted message of shame and guilt about a disease I did not ask for and did not not willingly cause. As science’s best explanation for my particular stripe of insanity is genetics, I might as well feel shame and guilt over being born with brown hair or blue eyes, or superior for being born to a particular race or ancestry. Our genetics are a roll of the dice, and should be approached honestly, without shame or pride. This outlook means I am generally open to questions, provided they are presented honestly and with respect.

As always, I can be reached at portia@portiastluke.com.

Every year at this time, as we approach the cross-quarter of Fall, a tension begins to build among the various paths of Paganism, Christianity in general, and the assorted gods of commercialism.

Halloween is the second biggest holiday in the U.S. For the general sale of goods, it is only beaten by Christmas; there are probably a few more Super Bowl parties than Halloween parties; and it runs a very close second to Easter in candy sales. That last would probably change if chocolate pumpkins and jack-o-lanterns were to come into fashion.

Humans of all ages, whether they admit it or not, love to play “dress-up”. Along comes Halloween with a legitimized excuse and nearly everyone bows to the custom of becoming some else for a night (or two). Never mind that the original purpose was to prevent spirits from recognizing you and following you home – a feat which could could be accomplished by the simple expedient of wearing your clothes turned inside out or backwards when the custom began. For the pagans among us it should probably be noted that the tradition seems to have its roots in medieval Christian superstition regarding “witches, demons and fell (or foul) beasts and spirits” going abroad to do “The Devils work” on the “accursed” night before the Feast of All Saints on November first. That Samhain, a pagan festival celebrated on the night of the cross-quarter between the autumn equinox and the winter solstice, happens by chance to be the night before the feast is, I am sure, simply a matter of coincidence. As time passed, the superstitious tradition combined with a whistling-by-the-graveyard false gaiety. The origins faded, the gaiety became more real, and the whole thing morphed into Halloween (All Hallows Eve) as we know it today.

Interestingly enough, while the Christian superstitions regarding Halloween have been maintained and ritualized, so have the pagan beliefs that the Veil Between the Worlds is so thin that night that those Unseen can cross over to visit or communicate with us on this side. Jack-o-lanterns are carved to either light the way, or frighten away, the Unseen – depending on individual belief and intent. Divinations are performed in a variety of ways. Who has not bobbed for apples at some time in their life? Cauldrons, symbols of the Goddess, bubble and froth with assorted beverages – each a representative of the Drink of the Gods or the Elixir of Life. Assorted haunted entertainment (I saw an ad for a Haunted Pony Ride today), ghost walks, ghost towns, cemetery tours – the list is endless and expanding.

Surrounded by all this in the secular culture we have the assorted religious sects. Christians seem to divide into three general categories. The first, and largest, is made up of those who simply don’t care about any religious aspects or undertones of Halloween. They’re simply out to have fun on a night when the ordinary rules of conduct and propriety are set aside, within limits of course. Soaping windows – OK. Burning down the neighbor’s house down – Not OK. They don’t care, or even know, the marauding bands of costume-clad beggars with their cries of “Trick or Treat” originally represented spirits demanding tribute of some sort in return for not damaging person or property in some way.

The second category of Christians look at the carrying-ons of Halloween with a general distaste and disapproval, usually citing the “pagan origins” as their reason. They do tend to fall along a spectrum. Some turn off their lights and pretend to not be home, some resentfully pass out candy and such, some pass out religious tracts as their offering of a treat. If asked, most will express concern for the morals and/or souls of those celebrating Halloween.

The third, and least numerous group of Christians, agree with Pagans that the Veil is thin that night, but believe that it allows Evil to walk the Earth unchecked and therefore spend much time in prayer for protection of themselves and others they deem worthy. Some gather in churches, others lock themselves away at home. In either case, they are reacting from fear of something they don’t, or can’t, fit into their cosmology.

Pagans tend to fall into broad groups as well. Some consider the secular celebration of Halloween an adequate recognition of Samhain and do nothing farther to mark it. Some use the secular build-up as a forum (or soapbox) to try to educate the public regarding their beliefs and attitudes. Some are offended by Halloween and refuse to participate in the secular traditions, preferring to secret themselves away for their own religious rituals. Most are willing to enjoy Halloween, and later that night celebrate Samhain in their own way.

I am not going to pretend to know what the best response to the energies of the cross-quarter is or should be; whether secular, Pagan, or Christian. My tradition calls for tolerance, understanding and the recognition of Free Will in all beings. Each person is, in their own way, on their own One Right Tree Path toward their own understanding of union with the Divine. However, we each should be aware of the paths and traditions of those around us in the interest of expanding tolerance, understanding, harmony, and ultimately, Love.

May this Season find you walking Your Path with confidence and Divine Love for all beings.

If you would like to attend, please contact us before October 22, 2009 so that we can have a rough head-count.
Email: tracie@churchofancientpaths.org

Samhein 2009 Announcement

Samhein Circle 2009 Directions

Cerrunos (original artist unknown)

Horned one of the Wilderness,

Winged One of the shining skies

Rayed One of the splen’drous Sun,

Fallen One of the Samhain cries -

I call amidst the standing stones

Praying that you, O ancient One,

Will deign to bless my mystic rites -

O fiery Lord of the Blazing Sun